He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
