I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
