I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
