And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
