the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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