Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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