They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
