you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
