didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
