i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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