How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
