Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
