It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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