My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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