I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
