sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
