Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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