Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
