I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
