It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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