Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
