Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize