He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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