oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
