I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
