I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I want to make a zoo with you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
