I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
