Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
