Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
