i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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