whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
