I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
