You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
