How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
