just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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