Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
