I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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