Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
