i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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