I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
