Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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