I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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