All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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