...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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