Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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