dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
