PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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