Yo dont text me then not text me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
