Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
