And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
