my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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