The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
