normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
