If i come over, it means nothing
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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