i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
