the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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