No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
