If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Vodka?
Forever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
