How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
