I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
