It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
